Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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