you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
