508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
