You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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