cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
