Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
