I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
