is your mom at the bar?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
