I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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