I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
