I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
