Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My vagina is officially offended.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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