Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
