the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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