I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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