I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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