i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How naked do you want me to be?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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