I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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