I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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