How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
