if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
