So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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