dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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