dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
