Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
