Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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