After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
vagina is talking i cant
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
