Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
