im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
