o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
