I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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