TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
