first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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