They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
