He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
