Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
