Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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