***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
