I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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