my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
