I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
