Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
