I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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