Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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