Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
