dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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