I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
