Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
