My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
