Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
