Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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