I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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