you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
