I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
