I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
