i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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