sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
