Someone shit on the floor
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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