Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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