I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize