somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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