5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
