i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
