it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
