Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
