I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
