The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
