im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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