I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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