"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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