I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
