I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
